The Real Surprise
by Otempora42
Summary: Well, she hated me, at least. I was sort of in love with her. KyleWendy, Stendy, KennyBebe.
1. Bookworm and Cure Fan

**I've been planning this fic, in one form or another, for a year now, and I finally found a voice that fits. So, yeah. Don't know when I'll update, but I promise I will. **

**Anyway, this is a bit of a change from MCP. It's not really much of a comedy, although I find Kyle delightfully snarky so far. It's more of a fluff fic with a side helping of angst. **

**So, enjoy and review, please!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park.**

Ch. 1: Bookworm and Cure Fan

_"Hiya, Kyle," Wendy Testaburger said, as she sat down next to me. "You don't mind if I sit here, do you?"_

_It was the first day of sixth-grade math, and I didn't know anyone else in the class. So now I had to sit next to my best friend's girlfriend._

_"Whatever," I said. I slumped on my desk. "This class is going to suck so much."_

_"Well, I guess it won't be so bad."_

_"Wish I could be with my friends. But no, my mom said I had to be in all advanced classes."_

_"Just think of it as an opportunity." Wendy laughed. "Or something." She sighed. "My mother forced me to take this class, too."_

* * *

"Ethanol!" I shouted.

"Very good, Kyle," said the Chemistry teacher, with a distinct lack of enthusiasm. I think she might have gotten bored with the review game. Only Wendy and I bothered answering the questions anymore. "Now. What is the functional group..." And then the bell rang. "Kyle, 26 points. Wendy, 29 points. Congratulations."

"Yes," Wendy said, pumping her fist in the air. Whoever won the quiz got an extra two points on their test.

"Wow, you beat me. That brings up your grand total to one," I said. She scowled at me.

"Go fuck yourself, Broflovski." As she walked to the door, Stan appeared. She ran to him and they kissed.

"Hi, Stan," I said, and he pulled away from her.

"Hey, Kyle."

"Your girlfriend told me to go fuck myself," I said.

"Then why don't you?" Wendy said. I ignored her.

"Why do you want Kyle to go fuck himself?"

"Because he's being a sore loser."

"Whatever. I don't care," I said. "It's not as if I need the points, anyway."

"Neither do I," said Wendy. "I just like kicking your ass."

"For once."

"Guys!" Stan said. He really didn't like that we didn't get along. I mean, considering that I'm his best friend and she's his girlfriend, it's understandable.

"I'm sorry, Stanley," Wendy said, kissing him. I looked away. I swear, she only does that to make me uncomfortable.

"Don't expect me to kiss you," I said. Stan laughed.

"Didn't want you to."

"Gotta go," Wendy said. "I have to meet with my Spanish tutor. I will see you," and she kissed him again, "later. Bye, Broflovski."

"Bye, Testaburger." And she ran off. I watched her go.

"Hey, Kyle?" Stan asked.

"Yeah?" I said, turning to face him.

"I know that you don't get along with Wendy all that well, but I need a favor."

"What?"

"Well, I need you to tutor Wendy in math."

"What? Why?"

"She's not doing so well. And you're the only person I know who's in her math class." Both Wendy and I were in Pre-Calc, and we were the only ones from our grade.

"Why doesn't she just get a senior to tutor her?"

"I dunno. Wendy's funny about that. She doesn't want anyone to know that she's not doing well in math. Maybe, if it was you, people would think you were just hanging out."

"Everyone knows that Wendy and I can't stand each other," I pointed out. Well, actually, that was a lie. Wendy just couldn't stand _me_.

You see, I'm in love with her.

It's not the best position to be in, I'll admit. Being in love with your best friend's girl. It raises all sorts of awkward questions, like if you should make a move, even if she definitely won't like you and it'd ruin your friendship with the boyfriend. Which is why I haven't made a move on her.

And I know that Wendy doesn't like me back. For one thing, she thinks I hate her. For another, she and Stan have been "back together" since sixth grade, aside from a nasty breakup in the summer before freshman year. They're meant to be together.

And yet I still want her.

"That's true," Stan said. "But, still. If she's willing, would you?" _Goddammit._ I hated being forced into these sorts of decisions. On the one hand, I'd get to spend time alone with Wendy. And there's always the odd chance that, once she gets to know me better, she'll be swept off her feet by my charm and good looks (yeah, right) and Stan will be OK with it because we're obviously so great together.

I can dream.

I knew that the more likely scenario was that I'll either spend the whole time bickering with her, wondering why I can't let her know how I feel. Or, even worse, I could tell her, and then I'd lose both the girl and my best friend.

What's the point of being good at school if you can't figure out your personal life?

"Um. If she's OK with it, I think it'd be all right," I said. "I do it under protest, though."

"I'll remember that. So, I'll ask her tonight, and then I'll have her IM you or something."

"Yeah. All right." It was extremely pathetic how happy that made me. Kyle Broflovski, sad sack of crap. That's me.

* * *

I stayed on the computer all night, waiting for Wendy to get online. I don't have much of a social life.

Then she finally signed on.

**BookwormWendy: **So, Broflovski.

**BookwormWendy: **Stan thinks it'd be a good idea if you tutored me in math.

**CureFan616: **Yeah, I guess. Heard you're not doing so well.

**BookwormWendy: **I'm doing fine. Just a few low grades, is all.

**CureFan616: **So you don't need my help.

**BookwormWendy: **Not in particular, no.

Dammit. I was looking forward to it, too.

**CureFan616:** Whatever.

**BookwormWendy: **Although I guess if it makes Stan happy, I could put up with you.

Wendy _never _asks for help, even when she really should. It's just one of those things. She either makes up an excuse, like "making Stan happy", or just tries to do it on her own. And I genuinely wanted to help her, too.

**CureFan616: **If you insist.

**CureFan616: **So, how about Monday during study hall? In the library.

**BookwormWendy: **Sounds OK.

**BookwormWendy: **Well, I'd better go do my history homework.

**BookwormWendy: **Later.

**CureFan616: **Later, Testaburger.

_BookwormWendy has signed off._

As always when I talked to Wendy, I tried to shrug it off. _It means nothing. She just needs math help. _But then I imagined sitting next to her, leaning over her homework, guiding her hand over a page...

Love does weird things to you, I swear.


	2. Math, History, and Chemistry

**Yes, I know this is mostly flashback. Ergo, mostly italics. I'm sorry about that. I have an explanation for this and the next chapter (which should be up shortly) which tells why I did it this way. If you really can't read it, copy and paste it into Word, then un-italicize it.**

**In other news, this is probably going to be incredibly short – right now, I'm thinking no more than twelve chapters, and possibly less than ten. Which means I'm somewhere between one-fourth and one-third of the way done. Yay?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park.**

Ch. 2: Math, History, and Chemistry

_"That test was terrible," I said, as I walked down the hall with Wendy._

_"I know! He hadn't even covered half of the material."_

_"My mom's going to kill me if I fail."_

_"Kyle, you're a complete genius. You didn't fail."_

_"Yeah, right." _

_Stan walked up to us._

_"Hey, dude," I said._

_"Hi, Stan," said Wendy._

_"Hey," he said, looking at us suspiciously._

_"Well, I'd better go to my locker. See you guys later!"_

_"Bye," I said. Stan turned to me._

_"You've been spending a lot of time with Wendy lately."_

_"I guess," I said, shrugging. "She's a nice girl."_

_"Yeah," he said. I didn't like the way he looked at me then._

_After Stan left, Kenny walked up to me._

_"Did you hear about Clyde?"_

_"No. What?"_

_"He said that Wendy had a hot ass, and Stan punched him."_

_"No way!"_

_"Yeah." Kenny looked around, as if he was afraid of anyone hearing him. "I'd be careful if I were you, if you're going to hang around Wendy."_

* * *

_September of eighth grade. Wendy and I had been friends for two years. She and Stan had been back together for four. _

_We were talking before class when we heard the sound of high-pitched giggles._

_"How does a bitch like you get _two _boyfriends?" asked Rebecca._

_"Kyle's not my boyfriend," she said, not understanding that to answer was to give in._

_"Just ignore them, Wends."_

_The girls laughed at my nickname for her. It had been an unconscious habit, and it meant nothing at the time._

_"At least Stan's kind of cute," Bebe said. "Why'd you go for the man without a tan?"_

_"Leave Kyle alone!"_

_"Jeez, don't get all defensive," Rebecca said. "We're just saying." She turned to the posse. "God, what losers."_

_"You never just say anything, _Red_," I said, and the girls gasped._

_"What?" Rebecca had tried so hard to cover up her childhood nickname._

_"Leave Wendy alone, or I'll remind everyone about the shoe incident." _

_For a second, Bebe and Rebecca were speechless. And then, silently, they left._

_Wendy threw her arms around my neck._

_"Thank you!" she said._

_"No problem," I replied. I was surprised that she'd do that, but I was also... I never wanted her to let go._

* * *

_"...And then he said that he'd tell everyone about the list if they picked on me again," Wendy said to Stan. Stan smiled. He knew how her former friends had treated her._

_"Kyle, thank you," Stan said._

_"It was nothing."_

_"No. You stood up for Wendy, and I know how scary those girls can be."_

_"Like I said, it wasn't a big deal."_

_"Thank you, anyway," Wendy said. She turned back to Stan. "I love you."_

_"I love you, too." And then they kissed. Stan didn't throw up, but _I _nearly did._

_I wanted to run away. I wanted to scream. I wanted to pull Wendy away from him. Just so long as they weren't kissing anymore._

* * *

I was waiting for Wendy in the library during our mutual free period. Ten minutes had gone by and she hadn't shown up. Kenny was sitting next to me and talking about... well, I'm sure he was talking about _something_. Probably about how hot Bebe was. Kenny's been sort of my best friend ever since the incident in eighth grade, but he was a man of few passions, and almost all of those involved tits.

"Dude, quit looking at your watch," Kenny said, snapping me out of my thoughts. "She'll be here."

"Unless she hates me so much she can't stand to be in the same room as me for forty-five minutes."

"I'd say that's a pretty safe bet."

"Fuck you." Kenny knew about my crush on Wendy, and, as far as I knew, he was the only one.

Wendy and Bebe walked up to our table. Kenny ran his fingers through his hair. It didn't really make any difference, but I wasn't going to tell him that. Besides, it was all I could do to keep myself from preening.

Wendy dumped her books on the table and sat across from me. Bebe sat next to her.

"Hiya, Kyle," Bebe said, smiling. I nodded.

"So, Broflovski," said Wendy. "What's the grand plan?"

"Well," I said, "I was going to have you do the practice test for this chapter, so I can see where your major problems are."

"I don't _have _any problems."

"Really? Then why is Stan so convinced that you're flunking?"

"Like I said, a few bad tests. Not a big deal."

"All right," I said. "Well, let's both do the practice test from page 329, and then we can compare answers."

"Fine by me," said Wendy. So we each pulled out a piece of paper, opened our books, and began writing.

Despite the fact that Kenny was loudly flirting with Bebe and she was pointedly ignoring him, we both finished the test in about thirty minutes.

"You done, Testaburger?" I asked. She nodded. "Well, check your answers in the back of the book, then."

"Jeez, Broflovski, you don't get to boss me around."

"I thought that was the point of having a tutor."

"You're _not _my tutor."

"Really? What am I, then, a study buddy?"

Wendy glared at me and flipped open her book to the back. I did the same, glad to look away. _There I go again. You just _have_ to be an asshole to her, don't you, Kyle?_

I got 92 out of 100 questions correct. Wendy got 38.

"So, um." I tried to think of the right thing to say. "Do you want me to look over your answers to see where you're going wrong?"

"What, so you can gloat at me?"

"I'm not going to gloat. I'm trying to help you here."

"Only because Stan made you."

"I could've said no."

"Bull," she scoffed, brushing a stray strand of hair behind her ear. Wendy had cut her hair short sometime in seventh grade, but now it was getting long again. I'd been meaning to tell her that I liked it, but I never seemed to get around to it. In the middle of this petty argument, I was beginning to see why.

"Wendy." How long had it been since I'd called her Wendy, anyway? "Either you can get off your high horse and let me help you, or you can fail."

"Bebe!" Wendy turned towards her friend, who was busy ignoring Kenny. "We're leaving." Wendy got up and stormed out. Bebe stood up, mouthed "sorry" at me, and then left after her.

"Smooth," Kenny said. "I wonder why she doesn't like you."

"Shut up. God, why do I do that?"

"Because you're frustrated at not being able to have Wendy, so you take it out on her?"

"I said shut up." Kenny puts up with a lot from me. We've gotten a lot closer than we were back in fourth grade, and he's a good guy. "I guess I'd better go find Stan before Wendy does."

"Good luck with that one," Kenny said, as he resumed doodling an obscene picture of Bebe. Kenny is so weird.

* * *

_"Bubbe? Your little friend Kenny is here to see you."_

_"Let him in," I said. The door opened, letting in a small sliver of light._

_"Fuck, man," Kenny said. "It smells like a gym in here. And have you even opened those curtains since you got here?"_

_"Thanks, Mom."_

_"Kyle. What the hell's up? You've holed yourself in your room for two days. You won't let Wendy in here, you won't even talk to Stan! And, no offense, but this whole emo vampire thing is more of his thing than yours." He paused. "We're all worried about you."_

_"Too bad. I'm never coming out."_

_"You gay, or something?"_

_"No." At that point, I was sort of hoping that I was. It'd be easier, surely. "Worse."_

_"What?"_

_"I'm in love with Wendy."_

_"Oh." He paused. "Shit, man."_

_"Yeah." _

_"You sure?"_

_"Absolutely positive."_

_"Fuck me. You're screwed."_

_"You can say that again."_

_"But," Kenny said, after a long pause, "there's no reason why you can't go outside for some fresh air, is there?"_

* * *

That was the day Kenny became my best friend. And that's why I hung out with him.

Even if he was a weirdo.


	3. Love and Anger

**Author's note is at the bottom. It's mostly making-of, so if you like that, read it. If you don't, it's not really that big of a deal. Reviews are loved.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park.**

Ch. 3: Love and Anger

_"Hey, Kyle," Wendy said, as I walked into math class. My throat closed up as she smiled at me. I couldn't say anything. "You feeling better?"_

_"Y-yeah." I sat down next to her._

_"We were really worried about you. Why wouldn't you talk to us?" Wendy sighed. "You know, you can always talk to Stan and me. We're your friends."_

_"Whatever." I didn't mean to say it, or with a snotty tone, but it just came out that way. "I don't need to be analyzed."_

_"Kyle..."_

_"Just leave me alone!" I wanted to be nice, but I couldn't. I couldn't bear to be Kyle Broflovski, her best buddy. "Jesus, Testaburger."_

_"Fine," she said. "Broflovski."_

* * *

I didn't see Stan until I was standing in the lunch line. Stan grabbed a tray and stood next to me, cutting in front of some hapless freshman girl. From the look on his face, Wendy had gotten to him before I had.

"Hey, Stan."

"Wendy said that you teased her about not doing well on a practice test."

"That's not how it happened," I said. "I told her that I should look over the answers she got wrong, and she got all pissy with me. I mean, I could've handled it better, but..."

"Look. I know that you two don't along. Why, I don't know," Stan said. I looked down at my tray. "I'm sorry I forced you two to try and work together. I thought that maybe if you had the chance to spend some time together, you could get over your differences."

"I don't think it's that easy." There's really nothing like having a decent guy for a friend to make you feel like crap. Especially when you've been lying to them for three years.

"No, I guess not." Stan grabbed an apple. "What don't you like about Wendy?"

"What?"

"You guys used to be friends, and then you suddenly stopped getting along. What happened? Is it school?"

Yeah, I wished. "Um, I don't know. We just... it's just one of those things, OK?"

"No need to be so defensive. I was just wondering."

We walked back to the table in silence. Cartman was nearly done with lunch, the fat asshole.

"Well, if it isn't the Jew and the pussy," Cartman said.

"Not now, fatass," I said and, to my surprise, he shut up.

_I can't go on like this_, I thought. _I'm hurting Wendy and Stan. Not to mention me._

But what could I do? The smart thing would be to avoid her, but I didn't think I could do that. Besides, that would mean that I'd have to avoid Stan, as well.

I could try and be nicer to Wendy. Revolutionary, right? Being nice to a girl you love. It was always worth a shot.

* * *

Wendy and I had Chem together in the afternoon, but she was very pointedly ignoring me. She really hated me, and it was my fault, for being an asshole to her because I couldn't be honest.

I tried to talk to her when class let out, but that girl can walk fast. So I waited until school was over.

She was talking to one of her friends. It was embarrassing, that I didn't know the names of her friends. To be fair, though, our friendship was over before she and Bebe reconciled.

Was it because of me? Maybe the reason why she went back to hanging out with the girls in the class was because I had suddenly switched from being her best friend into her bitter rival. I knew it had hurt me, but it was hard to think that it had hurt her, too.

As I walked up to Wendy, the other girl excused herself. Wendy faced me, her arms crossed over her chest, her hazel eyes glaring with contempt.

"Hey, Wendy." No response. "Listen, I'm sorry about what happened. I shouldn't have been so rude." She tried to walk away, but I grabbed her arm. "I'm sorry, OK?"

"No, you're not. You're just doing this because Stan told you to."

"You've got it wrong. I'm sorry about everything. Honest to God."

"What do you mean?"

"I've been an ass to you for almost three years now. And I just want to start over."

Wendy stared at me in disbelief. I could feel my face grow red under her gaze – that's the thing about being a redhead, you blush all the fucking time. She narrowed her beautiful hazel eyes at me, and I couldn't look away.

"So?" I said.

"So what?"

"Truce?"

Wendy blinked and took a deep breath. "Broflovski..."

"Kyle."

"_Broflovski._ You used to be my friend. You helped me through middle school. You defended me from Bebe, back when she was a complete bitch to me."

"She's your friend."

"Now she is. She wasn't then. But you were. You and Stan kept me going.

"And then, one day, out of the blue, you start acting like an ass to me. I figure, you know, even a guy as great as Kyle fucking Broflovski can have a bad day. So I waited for you to snap out of it.

"But you never _did _snap out of it, did you? So, eventually, I started giving it back, because I was sick of waiting for my friend to show up.

"Then, right after eighth grade, Stan and I broke up. I was nearly suicidal. But then you tell us that we needed to get back together, and we did. And I thought my good friend Kyle was back.

"But you weren't, you're not, and you saying you're 'sorry' won't fix a damn thing!"

"Wendy, I..."

"Go fuck yourself, Broflovski. And say hi to Kyle while you're there."

And, with that, she stormed off. I knew better than to follow her.

* * *

_The summer before ninth grade. Stan and Wendy had broken up. At first I was kind of glad. I had a shot! She was finally single._

_And, with that in mind, I went over to her house to become her friend again._

_When I got there, her mother opened the door._

_"Hi, Mrs. Testaburger," I said. "I wanted to see how Wendy was doing."_

_"She's not letting anyone in the room."_

_"Oh."_

_"But," she said, "I suppose it wouldn't hurt to let you try."_

_I went up to Wendy's room and knocked on the door._

_"Go away."_

_"Wendy, it's me."_

_She didn't reply. The door was unlocked, so I let myself in._

_"I said go away," she said, her eyes red. I'd never been inside her room before. It was impossibly neat. She had three bookshelves, all full to bursting. She had one of those princess beds, probably left over from a childhood temper tantrum._

_"Listen. I'm just here to talk to you."_

_"Did Stan send you?"_

_"No." _

_"Yeah, right." She hiccupped. "You know, you're the reason why we broke up."_

_I was genuinely shocked. "What?"_

_"Stan said that I should try and get along with you, and I said that no matter what you did, you were still an ass, so he said that maybe we should break up." Wendy glared at me. If looks could kill, her eyes might as well have been atom bombs. "It's all because of you."_

_"Testa... Wendy. Come on. This isn't you."_

_"What the hell are you talking about?"_

_"Holing up in your room and crying all day."_

_"I haven't been crying," she lied._

_"Yeah. Whatever." I gulped. I knew what I had to do, seeing her in this state. That didn't mean that I had to be happy about it. "You guys need to get back together."_

_"No, shit. I told you, he dumped me."_

_"I'll tell him it was my fault. And that I'll try and be nicer to you. Just... stop being miserable. It's pathetic."_

_"You'll tell him that? But you hate me."_

_"Yeah, well, you know." I tried to smile. "Guess you owe me one."_

* * *

"And then she just ran away," I said, during study hall.

"Man," Kenny said. "That sucks ass."

"Yeah." I looked down at the table. "I didn't know I'd hurt her so bad."

"Hey. You tried to apologize, and she blew up at you. This isn't your fault."

"I shouldn't have _had _to apologize."

"Well, maybe you didn't handle the whole madly-in-love-with-her thing as well as you might've, but what's done is done."

"I guess you're right," I said. Then someone dumped a stack of books on the table, and I looked up.

Wendy sat down across from me.

"Um," Kenny said. "I've gotta go do... things." And he left.

"Wendy, I..."

"I'm sorry."

"What?"

"I said I'm sorry," she said, looking like she was having teeth pulled. "I shouldn't have yelled at you."

"No. I didn't realize how much I'd hurt you. I was just really dumb."

"It worked out for the best. I have lots of friends now. Bebe's changed for the better, and I think, in a weird way, I have, too." Wendy ran her fingers through her hair. "But there is one thing I'd like to ask."

"Shoot," I said.

"Why?"

"Excuse me?"

"I have to know why you stopped being my friend."

"I..." This was it. This was my chance to finally tell her how I felt and get it all out in the open. I knew that she couldn't love me back, but I knew I owed her an explanation. "I... to be honest?"

"Yes."

"I can't explain," I said. All the guilt of the past three years that was welling in my throat wouldn't come out.

"What."

"I know." That's me: Kyle Broflovski, selfish asshole to the end. "Not now. I don't know why I killed our friendship. But I'd like to be your friend again, if you'll let me. Please?"

Wendy stared down at her lap.

"I shouldn't. I know I shouldn't. But I think that we should give it a shot."

"Great," I said, grinning. She looked up at me and gave me a wan smile. In a flash, however, her smile turned into a scowl.

"If you hurt me again, Broflovski..."

"I won't! Honest, this time. And I'll tell you why I couldn't be your friend eventually. Let's just focus on the present right now."

"I think I can do that." She smiled again. I'd forgotten how good it felt to have her happy with me. "Should we start on the math, or what?"

* * *

**OK, author's note.**

**Like I said earlier, the last two chapters were originally one chapter, with only one flashback scene. However, I wrote Wendy and Kyle's confrontation and realized that I couldn't end the chapter on that note, as well as discovering the nature of Kyle and Wendy's relationship. For a long time, Kyle was Wendy's only friend, other than Stan, and she was deeply hurt when he started to pretend not to like her. However, having the chapter end on her yelling at him made her seem like a horrendous bitch, especially out of context.**

**So I decided that a. I needed to show more of Wendy and Kyle's history together; and b. that I couldn't end a chapter on a fight without making both of them seem like horrible people. I like the result, and I hope you guys do, too.**

**Miscellaneous notes: Kyle's kind of a prick, and it's so refreshing not to have to worry about jokes all the time. And also, please review.**


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